Palm Harbor: 1am
It’s not that I aim to be sad in Florida
It’s that Florida doesn’t want to see me happy
This apartment
these walls- carry too much
the weight of loss
My innocence still lingers in the air here
There
on the window sill
and in the picture frame
Behind the lamp
But not the dingy sink
Or the bathroom mirror
where I had to look at myself wash the sin off
Or the memories acrid as the bedspread
Searching for sleep away from the bodies that kept me up and erect at night
I used to leave the front door a little open at 1 am with so much shame in my gut and
so much fear in my bones that I shook
Shook myself into a false confidence that made me move forward
Every shake meant another step
Another step towards another man
Another man who and where and whom
I had no answer to what could happen
in the dark of night
When no one else is around
I don’t want anyone to know who I am when no one else is around
Because I don’t want to know me either
That person makes a lot of mistakes in order to repeat them again
No,not me
They are my shadow
One light
My breath gets caught
taking in the humidity
as man takes me into their mouth
When I’m in Florida I’m afraid I’ll lose myself again
In man, in mouth, inside
And yet I come back anyway
Choking
Moses is an artist, writer, and entertainer who recently graduated from the Maryland Institute College of Art in 2020. Their work ruminates on identity and their relationship to love, sexuality, gender and their black queer experience. Their website is mljeune.myportfolio.com and their Instagram is @versaceshortie