Characters
DAVID (17)
JANE (17)

JANE

No, I don’t think I’ll ever really do anything.

DAVID

Nothing? You’ll do nothing?

JANE

No, I’ll do something. It just won’t be anything worth talking about, and if it’s not worth
talking about then you’re not really doing anything at all. If you can’t mention it, if you
can’t go to Thanksgiving and fill your plate and sit across from your grandmother and
your aunts and your cousins and when they ask you what you’re up to, if you’re not
proud of the response or you know it’s not very interesting, then you smile and lie, you
really say nothing at all. So if I have a response like that, then I’ve done nothing at all, I
haven’t done anything.

DAVID

Oh.

That doesn’t mean you won’t do anything in, in the future, later on, you know-

JANE

No, because at a certain point, at a certain age- no, maybe not age, maybe just a point in
time, when you’ve experienced either too much or too little, and you’re either too full or
too empty or somewhere in the middle of those two things, at some point you can tell the
direction your life is heading, and you either like it or you don’t, or you don’t feel very
much at all and you accept things as they are. And I’m at that point, and I can see where
I’m going, and I’ve accepted it.

She sips from her cup.

This is Sprite. I asked for ginger ale.

DAVID

Oh, sorry-

JANE

Oh no, it’s not, it’s not your fault.

I’ll drink it, it’s fine, I like Sprite. I do.

DAVID

Alright. So what, what, which are you?

JANE

What? Which what am I-

DAVID

I mean, uh, which, have you experienced
too much or too little, because, you said, the, about being full or empty-

JANE

Oh right, right.

Not enough, I think, I haven’t done enough to have lived enough to have ensured a future
that’s exciting and satisfying and remarkable. And I don’t think remarkable means
extraordinary, let me say, or anything like that. Remarkable means ‘worthy of attention,’
that’s the definition (I’ve looked it up) and many common things are worthy of attention.
Like a ladybug on your finger, or a bruise on your arm, or a sale at the store, or an animal
on the road you have to swerve to avoid. That’s as remarkable as an award, or a
promotion, or anything else. Something worth mentioning. I don’t think I’ll ever do
something worth mentioning, because I haven’t yet.

DAVID

So
So you won’t.

JANE

What, what’re you-

DAVID

No, I’m just saying, I’m trying to
understand, uh.

DAVID

You won’t go to the store, or drive a car, or get bruises on your arm?

JANE

What?

DAVID

That’s. That’s what you said counts as remarkable those are remarkable things, so.

JANE

Oh.
That’s.
Well.
Obviously I will.

DAVID

So you. It’ll be remarkable.

JANE

It won’t.

For me.

Because I’m not used to remarking on it. I won’t be used to remarking on it.

I won’t be a remarkable person, is what I’m saying. No matter-

I don’t know what I’m saying.

DAVID

You don’t?

JANE

No I do.

DAVID

Uh, ok.

I think you’re already, uh, well, you know, I think. I think you’re pretty.

Pretty, uh, remarkable. I’d, I’d like to, to remark on you.

JANE
(shy)

Thank you.

DAVID

Which is, which is why, you know, why I asked you out. Because I. I think you’re pretty
great.

JANE
(softly)

Thanks.

DAVID

You can order something other than breadsticks, if you want-

JANE

No, the breadsticks and the salad, they’re free, and they’re pretty good, so.

DAVID

Maybe dessert, or something.

JANE

Yeah ok.

DAVID

We could share.

JANE

Dessert?

DAVID

Yeah, like. We could share it. Whatever you like, whatever you want. My mom gave me
her card, so.

JANE

Ok. Really? Ok. Maybe, maybe, uh-

She Looks at the menu.

This. Tiramisu. Right? That’s-

DAVID

Yeah, that sounds good, yeah. Let’s do that.

They smile at each other for a time.

JANE

Anyway, uh, that’s to say. All that, is to say, I don’t really know what colleges I’m
applying to, no. Or that I want to go to.

DAVID

Right.

JANE

What about you?

DAVID

I don’t know, either. Maybe I’m unremarkable, too.

JANE

No, I don’t think so at all. Not at all, really.

DAVID

Oh. Thank you.

JANE

Sure.
I mean, you’re vice captain of the soccer team, and you’re in Honor Society, and you got
a 4 on your AP Government practice exam; I got a 2-

DAVID

Yeah, well, you know, all that stuff.
You know, my brother. Do you know my brother?

JANE

Yeah, he just graduated, right-

DAVID

He just graduated, right-

DAVID

Well, he did all that stuff. I, I’m really just, I’m just doing all the same stuff he did, I’m
just following after him. And, and I never really planned to. It just turned out that way,
that when I was young it was easier for my parents to put us both in the same camps and
the same soccer team, and to have the same tutors, and things like that, and he’s the older
one, so everything he did was first. You know, if I was older, it’d be different, we’d be,
you know. I don’t know, but he’s first, and we’ve always just been doing the same thing
as each other since it’s easier, but he’s just. We do the same thing but he’s always been a
little better at it, better than, than, uh, than me. Like I got a 4 but he got a 5, on the, for
AP Government, the real test even, and he was, he didn’t even do soccer at school, he
played on an away team, so you know, he traveled, and. I guess sometimes you find out
that. Some people’s shoes. Are a little too big. They don’t tell you that.

JANE

What does that-

DAVID

Nothing, that was. Stupid, just. Uh. You know, he was better than me and he graduated,
but I still go home and he’s there on the couch. He didn’t go to like, Boston or any of the
schools he thought he wanted, he just, he’s doing community college. Cause, cause he
said he doesn’t know what he wants to do. He just, uh.

JANE

Did he get in?

DAVID

Huh?

JANE

Did he get into those schools?

DAVID

Oh yeah, yeah he did.

JANE

Oh. Then why-

DAVID

He just, he doesn’t know. He doesn’t know. What he wants or. What he should do. And
now he’s just doing general classes, I guess, and uh, coming back home and sitting on the
couch.

JANE

Man.

DAVID

So. All that, I think, uh, just means. You know, maybe everyone just doesn’t know.
Nobody knows.

JANE

Knows. Knows what.

DAVID

What, uh, what they want, I guess. Or how to get what they want. Or how to be
remarkable. Or how to stay remarkable.

JANE

Oh.
Wow.

DAVID

Yeah.

JANE

I guess so.
I don’t think it’s the same for me, though. For some people it’s just, uh. Not the same.

DAVID

Why, why not?

JANE

Well, you know, uh. You and your brother, you started off pretty great. So you’re
already, you’re already ahead. Uh but I’m, I’m a little behind.

DAVID

No you’re not, you’re really, you’re great, you’re really smart, and, and-

JANE

I got a 2 on my AP-

DAVID
(firm)

Well, no, just, forget about that-

JANE

And you know, I don’t, I didn’t. I’ve never had any tutors.

DAVID

Ok.

JANE

And my parents couldn’t, uh, when I was a kid they couldn’t afford the fees for sports. I
couldn’t get like, knee pads and stuff, or like, shoes, cleats.

DAVID

Ok.

JANE

So. I think you’re just a bit further ahead.

DAVID

Cleats and tutors don’t really put you any further ahead.

JANE

No, but other stuff does.
I didn’t mention some other stuff.

DAVID

Ok.

JANE

I wouldn’t have played soccer, anyway. I would’ve tried tennis. I liked tennis.

DAVID

Right. Ok.

JANE

Sorry.

DAVID

No, it’s, it’s fine, why’re you-

JANE

No, I just, I made it awkward-

DAVID

No, let’s just. Let’s.

I should be the one saying.

Do. Do you still want tiramisu?

JANE

Uh. Sure, yeah.

Do you?

DAVID

Yeah.

JANE

Ok, let’s. Ok.

They smile at each other again.

DAVID
(eager)

I think. I mean. Some stuff, you know, they tell you it matters, it’s supposed to matter
because these people with more experience and more stress lines and more years tell you
it does, but I don’t think it does. Matter, maybe it doesn’t.

JANE

Like what?

DAVID

Like, uh, like. Like a 2 versus a 4 in AP Government. Why does that matter?

JANE

I. Maybe, I dunno.

DAVID

I don’t know. It just doesn’t make much sense to me. Or Geometry, area of a triangle or whatever. None of that stuff matters-

JANE

Really-

DAVID

Well no, I mean, some of it, like. Government, that’s. Good to know. But the value
system, I guess, more so. And some of what we learn. I don’t know if it matters. But I’ve
never asked. I guess I’m asking now, but. Not to anyone who’d know the answer.

JANE

Oh. Well.
Well. Different things. People hold things differently.

DAVID

Hold? Hold things, what do you-

JANE

Just, just, um. Like. You like tiramisu right you’ve had it before, you like it-

DAVID

Yeah, I have, it’s good.

JANE

Right. But it’s nothing, nothing like. You’ve had it before, it’s just good-

DAVID

Well sure, yeah, what-

JANE

I’ve never. Had. Yeah I’ve just, I’ve never had it.

DAVID

Tiramisu?

JANE

Never.

DAVID

Oh.
Well. Alright.

JANE

So. Tiramisu means something different to you than it does to me.
And probably people who work in construction. They’d know like. Triangles and things.
Or. My cousin wants to be an architect. There are probably like. Triangles and squares
and rulers in that.

That was stupid, sorry-

DAVID

No, you’re right. About that, you’re right.

JANE

But you are too, I mean, about. It matters because. People above us say it does. I hadn’t
really thought of that.

DAVID

Sure. Well that just, that just proves it. A 2 on some exam matters, but. A lot of what you
said tonight. I don’t think they quiz you on.

JANE

Maybe. Right.

DAVID

Actually. Ha, I, uh. I was really nervous. To ask you out.

JANE

What? What really, why-

DAVID

Well just, just, uh. I think. You’re so, when you talk, in, in class and Debate Club, you’re
really. Uh, you’re smart, you’re so smart, I was worried I can’t keep up. Sorry if I’m a little slow-

JANE

No I, no, you’re. I didn’t know that. You’re fine you’re. Great.

DAVID

You too, you. I think. About what you were saying earlier. Whatever you do it’ll be.
Great, remarkable, whatever because. You’re. Remarkable.

JANE

Sure.

DAVID
(firm)

I mean it.

JANE

I. Ok. Ok.

I really. Um.
I knew about you before your brother. Before I knew anything about him. And, even then-

DAVID

Really? That’s.

JANE

Yeah. I’d seen you at practice, and before that, uh. Freshmen orientation. I remember cause. You had braces, then-

DAVID
(groaning)

Oh God-

JANE

No no, they were. I really liked them, you didn’t have a lot of colors in them or like neon
green rubber bands, and they were clean and nice, and. I’d never had braces but I always
wanted them, cause, cause my teeth are. Well. Anyway uh. I noticed them first then I
looked at you and you were reading this book I liked too, so. I just uh. Started noticing you, starting then, I guess. That’s. Weird-

DAVID

Your teeth look great, I think-

JANE

The top ones are, I mean, pretty bad, and I have this gap-

DAVID

I mean, I know what you mean I get that, but. Your teeth are. Everything, you’re just.
Pretty. You and your teeth you’re pretty. Nice to look at.

JANE

Thank you. You too yours too. Nice.

David smiles widely at Jane. She ducks her head
down, embarrassed, and fiddles with her straw.

DAVID

Oh, your soda’s empty-

JANE

Oh, yeah-

DAVID

Here, you want another? And the tiramisu, let’s-

He looks around, waving over a waiter. Fade out.

Niara Mae

Niara Mae is a playwright, actress and director from the Washington, D.C. area. Most recently, she’s written for Here We Go’s 24 Hour Play Festival, and an upcoming episode on The Language of Us podcast. She’s currently working on her thesis play for her final year at The New School for Drama. 

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