Romancing Delusions of Grandeur

It makes me very sad to know,

I may still be in love with you tomorrow. 

I’m in love with you way past reasoning. 

I’m in love all the way.

I’m in that kind of love

that sees blood 

and calls it sacrifice.

Steeped so deep into this hallucination,

I assimilate blurred images of you mouthing,

I  need you.

Then with a wave of your hand 

the mirage disseminates.

And there I am.

Singing gospel at the top

of my lungs in the car,

with the windows up

and the tints fogged.

The car door slams

and it echos

Back to me, 

Fuck you.

Ain’t no love here.

Just you.

In love and shit.

Counterintuitive 

I ain’t neva been in alignment.

Ain’t never known balance or days of cool condition.

I just flap my arms, 

to fly,

to fight,

to fall,

and grab hold of whatever I can,

to prevent myself from breaking.

Kept stumbling while snatching through both clouds and dirt.

Watched both go through my hands.

I ain’t never been straight.

I walk on the insides of my feet. 

My ankles are weak.

Can’t pivot,

nor walk to my destiny

or stand in it.

I fooled myself into thinking

I got it,

Cause’ I took a few shaky steps towards progress.

Knees buckled at the thought of Success.

Shoulders gave way to neck and 

chin on a fragile chest.

Stop asking me to get it together,

when I never got it.

Never stopped to check my instability.

Just kept walking.

Arsimmer McCoy is a Richmond Heights, Fl, native with 12+ years of experience in creative writing, theater performance, spoken word, education, & creative direction. McCoy holds a bachelors degree in english from Florida Memorial University.

Arsimmer currently resides in Miami Gardens (Carol City), Fl.

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