I remember being curious about everything before I was ready… especially SEX. That’s what everyone was doing and talking about. Even though I wasn’t doing it, I wanted to be able to talk about it. I asked my mom once and got the simple answer:
“It hurts, don’t try it. And plus your feelings get involved… it just sucks.”
And that was that, ‘that’ meaning it was the last time I really bothered asking my mom any questions.
From then on, I resorted to my “experienced” friends and google. I wasn’t active and didn’t plan to be but at the time, I realized my questions were going to have to be brought elsewhere.
So there I was, a 16 year old with an iPod, myself, my “experienced” friends (I’m using the term experienced loosely) and eventually Sex and the City to answer any questions I had. At that time, I was BOY CRAZY, just like Tina from Bobs burger and for some reason that was also a problem.
I was wrong for being boy crazy but also boys could be crazy about girls and they could blame it on their hormones. It was as if girls for some reason didn’t have the same “raging hormones” or we were expected to shallow it deep inside and hold it down.
I found myself constantly fighting the fight inside my head about my religious beliefs, the world, and my mom, hearing what was “‘right” and what was “wrong”, how I should take care of my body and who I should give it to and save it for. There was so much crap from people who never picked up a book… so I dove into a lot of reading.
“Listen to your body”
I took that literally. I knew I wasn’t ready for sex like everyone had been at the time, but again I was curious. But I also had an overly cautious mother who didn’t want me having sex.
I was scared for a lot of reasons. The legendary Mean Girls’ quote “you’ll get pregnant and die” really stuck to me. And of course, there was the fear of the possible STD. My mother had brought home pamphlets with allllllll known STDs in the world. Let’s just say there was a lot pushed on me, a lot of it was so wrong and YA GIRL JUST WANTED SOME TRUTH!! This led me down the path to wellness, sex education, and self healing. BECAUSE WE ALL JUST WANT THE TRUTH! And not going to lie that it’s going to cost me more than two paychecks…
So hello Mixed Mag readers! My name is Imani, and I’m a non binary babe from Fresno, CA (gotta represent because we are so small ha), now residing in D.C. I’ve been here for about 6 years, maneuvering the city, LOVING the city, and trying to find out answers about wellness, sex, love and dating, not just for myself but for us, because we all here living and loving. It’s always nice to have some guidance along the way. Tune into Mixed Mag’s IG where I’ll be answering your questions, sharing stories and experiences, laughing with you, HEALING with you, and all that in-between.
Imani Williams is a non-binary writer from Fresno, CA who now resides Washington, DC. Imani has been writing since the young age of 4 branching out from short stories to poetry and personal narratives. Self-publishing two poetry books at 19 and 21, they continue to explore the many ways of the writing world while sharing not just their stories but others as well in that reside in the beautiful city.