A community recreation room- one of those YMCA type of spaces that you can rent out for your private occasions. By itself, the room feels stale, with white walls and floors only marked by dust and wear over the years. The vibrancy and life comes from the people in the space. On one of the white walls is a ‘Happy Birthday!’ banner, messily hung up. There are balloons set out, floating clumsily through the air or along the roof. The only one anchored down is a golden ‘72’ balloon, tied to a table. At this table sits the man of the hour, EDDIE (70s). He wears a party hat that’s close to falling off his head, and a Maryland Terps sweater. On his side of the table is a pile of crab shells, the meat plucked out. He is prone to coughing fits, the clogged up scary kind. Next to him is LEAH (17), his grand daughter. Her side of the table is bare. The rest of the family moves around the rest of the room, their chatter a comforting noise in the background.
LEAH
I’m not sure about this, Granddad. I didn’t really, uh. Think this all the way through.
EDDIE
Don’t need much thinking at all, it’s not complicated.
LEAH
Well, I mean, it’s a little complicated, there are all these, these bits and pieces and organs and stuff, and I’m having a few, uh, reservations-
EDDIE
Thinking. Thinking about what? It’s not complicated, see.
LEAH
Ok, alright-
EDDIE
You think too much. That’s your problem, you think too much, always, your mind
always, it’s always going, too fast, thinking so hard you’re not processing anything.
LEAH
Ok. Well. I don’t know where that came from-
EDDIE
You think too much! Some people, they don’t think enough, other people, they think too
much. Your sister, Leah, that girl, she don’t think enough. You sopped all the thinking
out of your mama so that by the time your sister came around and got popped out, wasn’t
nothing left for her.
(beat)
That’s not rude, see, that’s honesty. You can be a good person a smart person without
ever really thinking about anything.
LEAH
Granddad.
EDDIE
Huh?
LEAH
I’m Leah.
EDDIE
Eh?
LEAH
I’m Leah. You’re talking about. Claire. My sister.
EDDIE
Huh.
LEAH
You just called me a dumbass.
EDDIE
No, see, I didn’t!
LEAH
You-
EDDIE
What was the last thing I said, eh?
LEAH
Something about. Being smart but not thinking, or something.
EDDIE
See! There you go.
(beat)
If anything I called Claire a dumbass.
LEAH
OhmyGod.
EDDIE
Come on, now! Stop distracting me. Do you want to learn this or not?
LEAH
I’m not distracting-
I do, yeah, I do. Well. I mean. I don’t-
EDDIE
Thinking! Come on now, I’m hungry.
Leah looks at the pile of shells in front of him.
LEAH
You must’ve eaten like ten crabs, Granddad. You’re still hungry?
EDDIE
Hush up and grab your crab. How old are you now?
LEAH
Seventeen.
EDDIE
Seventeen. ‘Bout time you learned how to crack open a crab, get your own food.
LEAH
I guess.
EDDIE
You asked me to teach you this. You don’t want it now?
LEAH
Everyone else in the family knows how. And I-
Eddie goes into a coughing fit. Leah watches.
(low, something soft and sad in her voice)
You alright?
He waves her away. Picks up a crab.
EDDIE
Come on, now. First you-
LEAH
How about. You just show me, once. I’ll just watch one time.
EDDIE
Alright, then.
He yanks the legs out first, then sits the rest of the crab down. He cracks the shell of the legs, getting the meat out, dipping it in butter and eating as he goes. When he’s done he picks the crab back up and grabs it from the top, in the space in between where the shell meets the body. He digs his thumb in and pulls it apart, splitting it in two. Leah gags.
LEAH
Oh God, ok see, that-
EDDIE
Hush up, girl, I’m working.
LEAH
Ugh I hate that, I hate that stuff, the yellow-
EDDIE
You clean it out, see? Stop complaining.
Using a broken off piece of the leg, he cleans the crab out a bit, getting the yellow goop out the way, tearing away the tissue, getting to the meat. He starts taking pieces out, eating a bit as he goes and finishes the job.
It’s real simple from here on. You know, you know what to-
LEAH
Yeah.
EDDIE
Let me see you do it, then. Go on, grab one, get a good one, not one of them tiny female
ones.
LEAH
Alright, let me, let me make my choice-
EDDIE
Come on, now.
She reaches into the box of crabs and looks through them.
LEAH
Do you have to pee or something? Why’re you rushing-
EDDIE
Don’t get all snappy with me now.
LEAH
Sorry, sorry, look I got one, see, I got it. I’ll get you one too, ok?
Another coughing fit, shorter than the first. Leah waits it out patiently.
EDDIE
I got one already, don’t need-
LEAH
Let’s just do it together, ok? Let’s do one together.
She passes him one.
EDDIE
There’s still cake, you know. Got to leave room for cake.
LEAH
You can’t have cake. I don’t wanna have to shoot a bunch of insulin in you, or whatever you have to-
EDDIE
Stop all that, it’s sugar free probably, your aunts probably got-
LEAH
If it’s sugar free you don’t want it, that’s some nasty shit-
EDDIE
You got a crab yet or what?
LEAH
Yeah, here. What do I do first?
EDDIE
The legs, see, the-
LEAH
Oh, yeah, ok.
She breaks them off, slower than him. She tries cracking the shell using only her hands, like he did, but she can’t and uses a hammer instead.
EDDIE
Be careful with that, now.
LEAH
Uh-huh.
She works to get the meat out, moving slowly.
Are you having fun?
EDDIE
Huh?
LEAH
Do you like the party?
EDDIE
Sure I do! Nice seeing everybody together.
LEAH
Lot of love all in one place.
EDDIE
Where’d you get that from? That’s a nice line.
LEAH
Probably a Tyler Perry movie or something.
EDDIE
Ha!
He coughs again, needing a napkin this time. When he’s done he crumples it up and puts it to the side. Leah peeks over at it. There’s small dots of red on it. She finishes with the legs and moves onto the rest of the body.
LEAH
I hate the organs, all the gooey parts.
EDDIE
Got to get through a little mess first to get to the good stuff. Work for your food! Killing
a whole creature, one of God’s creatures, that’s not easy work, that’s not, it’s not simple,
you hear me? Can’t get mad at it for being a living thing, having organs and things, with
us sitting here feeding from it. Just ‘cause we were the bigger thing, we’re not the ones
getting scooped out. Not until something bigger comes along, at least. Gotta get grateful
for that.
(beat)
Your Aunt Loni eats the eggs, you know. The eggs, in the females-
LEAH
What?
EDDIE
Sure enough.
LEAH
Freaky shit.
EDDIE
Stop all that cursing now, damn it.
LEAH
I got it from you!
EDDIE
I might’ve gave it to you but I didn’t say you could use it!
LEAH
(laughing)
What, that doesn’t even make sense. I learned it from you, least I can do is use it around
you.
(beat)
Hopefully I’ll get to learn some other things from you, too.
EDDIE
I ain’t gettin scooped just yet now.
LEAH
That’s not, that not what I-
EDDIE
Well
He picks up the tissue from earlier, looking at it. Then puts it in the trash pile, with the empty shells.
I’m sure I’ll see it soon. That bigger thing.
Quiet. Leah rips into a shell a bit too rough, cutting herself.
LEAH
Ow! Shit-
EDDIE
What’s that now?
LEAH
The shell, I. Shit, I cut myself.
EDDIE
Go on and rinse it out now-
LEAH
No it’s. It’s fine, I’ll just.
She grabs a clean napkin and wraps her finger in it, pressing down.
I hate when you talk like that.
EDDIE
You’re dripping all over the place girl, don’t get blood on my food-
LEAH
It’s not that bad. I really hate it, Granddad, it’s fuck- it’s rude.
EDDIE
To who?
LEAH
To. To me! I don’t want you getting scooped!
EDDIE
Scooped, what’s that now-
LEAH
(frustrated
You, earlier you said, with the crabs.
I don’t want you dy-
Leaving.
EDDIE
(a short cough)
Not all that comfortable staying, you know.
LEAH
Well. I don’t. You didn’t want to stay in the hospital, do the treatment or anything-
EDDIE
There’s only so much poking and cutting a man can take, I’m old girl-
LEAH
Well you’re not. You’re just. Letting it happen. I don’t get that.
Eddie looks at her for a long moment
EDDIE
That’s good, then.
LEAH
Grandad I’m saying I don’t understand, I don’t-
EDDIE
You’re not meant to! I told you, all this thinking you do. Live life, do something, fight for
some things. At a certain point you’ll be old and grey and coughing and look around and
feel your bones, the weight of them. You get tired, but only after you’ve been doing,
living through something. Why would you understand? You shouldn’t! Wouldn’t want
you to.
LEAH
I. Ok, but. I don’t. Think I’ll be like that, ever.
EDDIE
Alright well this ain’t about you really right now, is it? Greedy.
LEAH
Don’t you want to be here? For us?
EDDIE
Course I do. I’ve been here for you before there was a you, been working for you before I
knew you.
LEAH
Ok, so then why-
EDDIE
Don’t be selfish, now.
Quiet. Eddie sets another crab in front of her.
Again, now. Without the hammer.
She starts again.
Come ‘round to the house tomorrow and I’ll show you how to change your tires, check
your oil.
LEAH
Ok.
EDDIE
Alright.
Some things you gotta know. Things I gotta tell you. Got enough time left to do it.
LEAH
What about Claire?
EDDIE
(dismissing it)
Eh. She’ll be fine.
LEAH
Ohmygosh-
Niara Mae is a playwright, actress and director from the Washington, D.C. area. Most recently, she’s written for Here We Go’s 24 Hour Play Festival, and worked with The Language of Us podcast. She graduated from The New School for Drama in May.
More of Niara’s Plays in Mixed Mag:
Terra Tries to Have a F*cking Conversation (Issue 9)
Water Your Plants (Issue 7)
I Signed Another Petition Today (Issue 6)
Hair (Issue 5)
Remarkable (Issue 4)
Getting Married Today (Issue 3)