Illustration by Andrea Miranda
Once the esteemed breadwinners in a world where penetrative sex still ruled supreme, men reigned upon their high pedestals… power, in the palm of their hand. However, as the years have passed and women have come to uncover the secrets of stocks and clitoral stimulation, the tall pedestals have come crashing down. If the ideas that once centered men as necessary in attaining prosperity and pleasure have become outdated, then it begs the question: Are men simply outdated?
They can’t be outdated! We are forced to ponder – they must still be good for something and if so, what?
Do we need men to reproduce?
Outdated. Men are no longer necessary in reproducing children. In modern day growing science, scientists have used embryonic stem cells to make synthetic sperm that can be used to impregnate women and therefore bear children. It’s as simple as that. Modern science allows for synthetic sperm to act as a viable option for reproduction.
As always, adoption is an option and should be considered. In the United States alone, there are half a million children in the foster care system while less than 2% of the American population have adopted. A fourth of the number of children up for adoption in the United States are actually adopted each year. There is not even a need for more current reproduction as the world is already overpopulated as well (another issue that would be fixed if men didn’t exist, but alas).
Do we need men for sex? How about an orgasm? How about an orgasm and sex? Is having an orgasm and sex with a man possible?
Outdated. The orgasm gap refers to the significant statistical evidence that women cum more from queer sex than they do from heterosexual sex. There have been a multitude of studies conducted on this topic. “In one study examining about 800 college students, a 52% orgasm gap was found. That is, 39% percent of women and 91% percent of men said that they usually or always experienced orgasm in partnered sex.” In committed relationships between college students, there is still a 17% orgasm gap. In a survey of about 3,000 single women and men in the U.S. ranging from 18 to 65 years old, women said they have an orgasm 63% of the time with a familiar partner while men said 85% of the time. This study also found that lesbian women had a significantly higher probability of orgasm than did either heterosexual or bisexual women. And to top it all off – women have more orgasms when they masturbate than when they are with a partner. A study conducted with 800 college women participants, 39% of women said they always orgasm during masturbation while 6% said they always orgasm during sex with a partner. This is all to say that women are simply better getting off (no pun intended) having sex with other women or even just masturbating than they are having sex with men. If men can hold positions of power in politics and business there is no reason why they shouldn’t be able to make a woman cum every time, yet they don’t. Therefore, they are yet again absolutely outdated.
What if I’m only attracted to men?
Outdated. No one here can argue that heteronormativity doesn’t play a large factor in today’s society and therefore has an impact on the way people choose who to have romantic relationships with. What if I were to tell you though that sexuality isn’t binary? A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, argues that there’s no such thing as a “straight” man or woman. Rather, people operate on a spectrum. The study looked at pupil dilations, which is a sign of sexual arousal. Women’s eyes dilated for both hetero and homosexual intimacy. I want you all to ask yourselves, up until now did you ever explore or allow yourself to think about exploring queer intimacy or has the overwhelming heteronormative social pressure hindered you from thinking about other sexual possibilities? Do more research on the prospect of sexuality being binary or non-binary.
What will we do without men in positions of power? Will we still have war?
Outdated. In multiple reports, ranging from articles to studies to books, most notably reported by the UN in the UNGEI, United Nations Girls’ Education Initiative – investing in girl’s education has proven to be one of the world’s best bets. Investing in girl’s education results in the lifetime earnings of girls dramatically increasing, the decline of child marriages, the decline of child mortality rates and maternal mortality rates, child stunting drops and the growth of national rates. Investing in women will result in greater financial, health, and business outcomes than investing in men. Of course, investing in girls’ education is more focused on the future impact, not the now. So for now, I’ll reference a corporation well-loved amongst men which goes by the name of Goldman Sachs. The study conducted by Goldman Sachs was titled “Womenomics”, which stated having more women in leadership roles in major corporations is associated with positive company stock performance. Even BBC has reported that listed firms and companies with more female executives simply “perform better”. Firms where at least one-third of the bosses are women have a profit margin more than 10 times greater than those without.
In a world fueled by fast-fashion and trends that often change overnight – it is absolutely essential to stay in touch with what is in. No one in New York City would be caught dead without a puffer in their closet to survive the winter. An item to be forever dated. So why would you risk being caught with a man? An item now to be forever outdated.
Lulu Kirtchuk is currently a tenant and community organizer focused on housing rights based in Brooklyn. Born and raised in Brooklyn, her Israeli and Argentine roots are what molded her (along with the F train). Having received a B.A. in International Affairs with a minor in Global History from Lafayette College, she has always planned to use her degree to aid her in pursuing a career in human rights. However, in her first life, she devoted her life to vocal performance and music. She is now faced with the challenge of being a 22-year-old Sagittarius navigating her next steps in life – constantly fighting the urge to book a flight.