I wonder what that would be like to walk into a room and kiss my father on the cheek. To throw my arms around his neck and be pulled into his embrace.
I wonder what it would feel like to talk, to say something, to ask real questions. For all the words to unglue and lift off our tongues.
I wonder what it would be like to stop collecting clues and come to know my father for who he is, and for his eyes to tell me that he wants to see me fully too.
I wonder if he would be different if we never took The Flight and made The Move back in 1991. Who would my father be if Immigration didn’t live inside of him? Would he do more living and less surviving?
I wonder if in building barriers to keep our family safe, my father accidentally built a barrier between me and him. I wonder if he’s nervous to Break It Down for me.
I wish Immigration could have been kinder, so my father could’ve farmed a life and not be plowed down by that work, so my father could’ve carved out our plot and filled in more of its white space.
What would it be like if between a father and a daughter there was more than silent love?
Chandra Persaud is a writer based in Brooklyn, NY. Her work explores topics such as love, grief, identity, and the immigrant experience. She was born in Guyana, traces her roots to India, immigrated to the United States with her family as a child, and fully embraces her multicultural identity. Her work has been published in Defunkt Magazine, Brown Girl Magazine, and Journal of Expressive Writing.